June, 2011

Hello, Everybody! Does Anyone Need Rescuing?, originally uploaded by John 3000.

I think the universe wanted me to have some perspective. Just yesterday I’m complaining about me time and the busy business of life and Universe Chuck thought… lets mix it up and see how it really could be, shall we?

Because, this is how life is, right? This is how it rolls.

Eliza was stepped on yesterday
While in the middle of a nap.
By another child.
Two feet.
Extended placement, apparently – if you go by Eliza’s account.

I know.

The daycare parents reading this are saying, tell me something interesting, why don’t you.

The non-daycare parents are reading this and are horrified. Horrified and thanking their loverly lives that their children are never in harms way.
Don’t tell me you aren’t.
If it wasn’t my own child and it was at another daycare, I’d be judging other daycare centre’s horrid lack of supervision.

We are parents. We judge in order to feel better about our own choices.
Whatever.

Anyway, Eliza is now sick. Low grade fever, tired, has gas, doesn’t want to eat. Only drinking. Right now watching sesame street, which is a treat because we never get to do that.

Still, this means my work will back up and I will need to go in tonight to do some catch up.
The garden hasn’t been watered in two days (Sorry Jido).
I missed lunch with a seriously wonderful person and I FORGOT TO TELL HER.

My mind is on this 3 year old who can’t seem to tell me what’s wrong. I almost miss the days of the pneumonia where I would at least know what to look for and was aware of the scenarios. Now I’m going back and forth between Fifth disease and the Walkerton Tragedy.

Don’t tell me you don’t think about that. The interview with the mother who didn’t know what was wrong with her child and how the doctor kept telling her to make sure he was hydrated when all along it was the water that was making him sick…
Don’t tell me that didn’t stick in your brain.

Fever.
Incredibly thirsty.
Not all that hungry.
This was going on last weekend and then a week of being fine only to dance the dance all over again.

I would google the shit out of this but it’s an awfully good way to get a damn computer virus.

First person to tell me it’s Leukemia gets a gonch pull.

Entering Hyperspace, originally uploaded by Éole.

Life is strange, you know? It’s crazy busy at times and I love it and I sit back and enjoy the busyness and I love it. I love it. It feeds me. I get off on the business of busyness.

Then, I hate it. I don’t have time to myself, I can’t do the things I enjoy. I can’t take a breath without someone telling me I’ve not done something or I need to another thing right now. Now. Like yesterday. Like, why haven’t you done this yet?!?

And I resent everything about my life at those times. Those times I don’t even get to the garden or I don’t take a lunch break or I don’t have the 15 minutes it takes to write out something on my blog. I love this blog. Even though I understand how it is a useless hobby that doesn’t produce anything. Even the garden gives us food. And perhaps a master’s thesis. Perhaps.

All this resentment usually happens when I’ve just finished congratulating myself for handling the business of busy. Then I invite a friend out for coffee or a movie (or, gasp! maybe both! How decadent.) and then I feel punished.

It’s like I have used up my quotient of “Me Time” and how dare I ask for more to water the garden, go for a run, attend a grid meeting, take photos for the month project… How dare I have a life other than the one I’m paid for and the one I’ve married and the ones I’ve procreated?

How dare I?

But I’m the only one who feels this way. I know this. I’ve mentioned my apprehensions to taking more time with Dickson and he looks at me like I’m insane. I won’t work out unless it’s free and I do it when it doesn’t interfere with anyone else and their schedule – like at 4am… What does that mean? It means I don’t work out.

Where do I get this from? !?

And do I resent those who take that time for themselves. You better believe I do.

Sorry about that.
It’s only jealousy, really.

baby spiders 3, originally uploaded by kpc.

Last weekend I walked over to pick up the car share van before we started the day with Dickson’s Mom and sister. I strolled past the garden on the way and peeked in from the other side of the fence. It’s been such a long and cold Spring that things are slow to start – unless you’ve been uber diligent and given your tomatoes little mini greenhouses to protect their fragile asses

Tomatoes are delicate things that seem to get on my nerves every year. Why do I bother?!?
Oh yes, because they are tasty.

Anyway, things have been stressful lately. Childcare issues, finances, work… even my hobbies are stressing me out because I commit myself to things so far down the road and then life happens and things get pushed aside. It all became a little too much. I was feeling incredibly down on myself.

It happens to us all.

Anyway, as I was examining my garden from behind the chain link fence and thinking about the plans that needed to be finalized for the new area, as well as my discouraged view and how the kohlrabi are going to hate where I planted them, my nose brushed against something soft and thread-like.

I stepped back and changed my focus to the fence, instead of what was beyond, and realized I was literally face to face with an few hundred baby spiders in the middle of hatching! It was incredible. They were everywhere…. right in front of my face.

I watched them for a bit and then, as I looked past a few stragglers, I spotted an incredibly huge slug leaving a silvery trail from under a rock next to the Hollyhock. The bugger was heading right to the cucumber.

That’s what was eating them!

So… moral?
There always has to be one.

Focus too hard on the future and you’ll miss the show right in front of your face.

Enjoy the show in front of your face and you’ll naturally gravitate to a solution you need.

You know?
It’s all going to be okay.