With the highs come the inevitable lows
Of course, along with the great high of last Friday where I expounded on the greatness of professional childcare and my ever loving devotion to educated care givers around the world, comes the lows.
Eliza likes childcare, really she does. Diane, other care givers, other parents… they all tell me that after I leave she stops crying almost right away and goes off in search of a ball, a car, a zebra, to slide down the ramp mat or to find the coveted unicorn horse thingy with jingle wheels (toys are wierd). It’s a whole bunch of fun there and I know she has fun because while I’m there with Franklin she’s practically dragging him around to show him everything (actually, it goes both ways. Franklin has a blast there). However, when it’s time to go… it breaks my heart. Watching her cry on Diane shoulder as I walk out of there isn’t easy.
All of that hasn’t changed since last week, however. What has changed is her opinion of me and it’s not very favorable.
She has decided – since I’m the one who drops her off – that she doesn’t really like me all that much anymore. She much prefers Dickson – who picks her up everyday. This is our theory on her behaviour, anyway. It has made me feel both mentally and physically crushed. I remember how exhausting it was when Franklin went through this stage and only wanted me. I feel bad for Dickson but I still feel horrible. I know it’s only a stage. I’ve been reading up on it and we’ve been working on at least not fostering the behavior and making it worse. This has worked somewhat and tonight I got to get her ready for bed, read her stories and sing her to sleep all without protest. I even got a snuggle and a few kisses.
So it’s a stage and hey! the bright side! I get a lot more time with Franklin and other things get done while Dickson does all the changing and comforting for the little girl. Our floors are clean! The laundry’s done! I’m working full time and we have a clean kitchen!
Argh.
I’m trying to be positive about it all but you know what? Although I value the opportunity to work and I truly believe in professional childcare, it sucked this morning. It really sucked.
This too will pass My heart goes out to you love mom
Gin. medicinal gin.
And here I’m at the point where I’m considering finding at least very part-time care for Lochren to help him learn that I always come back and that maybe other people are the good guys, too! A part of me wouldn’t mind the break that it’d give me if Lochren’d decide that J was his preferred parent. I’d be hurt, too, I’m sure, but considering how many times it’s hurt J’s feelings that both kids strongly prefer me, I think I could handle it.
I’m sorry it’s so full of twists and turns to find a groove that works out for your family! I can’t imagine getting things together enough to be able to go to work full time, never mind the emotional twists and turns that’d be inevitable for all of us, too!!
You’re doing well, hon. It’s hard to love someone so much and not have them understand that what you’re doing is a part of that love.
(Not to imply that you can’t handle it re: my first paragraph! Sorry, that came across wrong, hehe, I just mean that the extreme here has certainly lead me to think a bit of the other side of the spectrum would be a relief.)
Phew. It is so hard to walk away from your crying child, isn’t it? And then to take your crushed heart and sad feelings back to work with you, where it takes you hours to get over it. And then to have the preferring dad thing when you get home. That just sucks. These kids, so fickle.
That is one of the very minor advantages to being a single parent, the kid does not get to choose who to prefer, there is no choice, he is with whichever parent’s day it is, according to the schedule. Until he realizes he can press your buttons by crying over the other (absent) parent, the one who won’t see him again until Sunday.
It has gotten better. There are still times that she prefers Dickson but it’s not a constant thing anymore. In fact, I went upstairs this afternoon and she got upset and wanted to follow me. So, there’s that.
I’m just glad we didn’t let it get out of hand. It was too hard at times not to take it personally. Hayley, I can’t imagine having the politics and the emotions of an absent parent thrown into the mix. Ugh.
[...] little while ago I mentioned that my friend Jenn had a few things to say about Eliza’s rejection of my comforts when she first began childcare. I’ve been so busy and a little too preoccupied with sick kids to give the post I wanted to [...]