I am reading "Disgrace", by J.M. Coetzee. It is very well written and quite interesting. The main character has started me thinking about older men. They are curious people to me - that is, men in their 50's and beyond.

It's funny. I think it all started after I read "Beautiful Losers" for the first time. The main character is so intimate with the reader... I felt very close to him. Of course, this is Leonard Cohen writing, geez.

Anyways, I was reminded of a time when I briefly hung out with a man who I believe was 63 at the time - I was 21. I really don't think I understood what was going on. We were good friends, but nothing beyond that - nothing that I thought was possible at the time.
He would take me to see "art films" that were all quite sexual and I thought he was showing me the other side of film.
He would teach me French and say strange things to me, telling me that it was a kind of "immersion". Who knows what he was saying, it certainly was a little strange and uncomfortable at times.
He would take me to little after dinner bars to buy me drinks I never knew existed and introduce me to the beautiful world of fine liquor. (yummm, good lesson learned there)

Eventually, he left for a carpenter job in the northern part of the province. I found out later, from my wiser and older roommate that he intended to come back and marry me. There seemed to be no question of my willingness in the partnership. He wanted to "have a young wife" and I suppose I proved to be an eager learner. I was never intimate with this man. In fact, I didn't feel there was anything between us. Crazy. My head was in the clouds I suppose. I was young.

Yet the result? I am now fascinated with older men. Not that I wish I had married him, or had gotten more intimately involved. I just thought that we were in such different worlds and yet we thoroughly enjoyed each other's company.

All those old memories and established patterns! All that experience - good and bad, scars and improvements. I believe that my potential life partner was an extremely interesting person. I could have studied him for a while.

Of course, I realize that all older people have their stories to tell and their experiences to relate. Nevertheless, older, sexual men who flirt and fantasize.... They aren't there to teach me anything a parental relationship would be comfortable with. Drinks called "beautiful", lesbian porn, dirty French words... these lessons that I learned from my older "teacher" that I think of fondly and love.