I almost forgot to write about the movie Frank and I saw on Tuesday! There is an awesome movement here in Victoria (and could be other places as well for all I know) that gets big movie theatres to show a matinee of the new releases especially for Mothers and babies! It's called Tinsel Tots.

Frank and I had a BLAST! I didn't go with any other Moms but met a bunch when I was there. We watched Chicago. They keep the lights dimmed just a little bit so you can see your baby and your baby can see you. They turn down the sound as well so that no one gets scared. Babies are cooing and screaming and squealing everywhere. It's hilarious.

By the way, a very good movie. Yes, I did get to watch it. Frank played, fell asleep and fed during the whole show. I feel so adept at this Mom thing sometimes!

Frank was subjected to his immunization shots today. I seriously had to fight back the tears. It wasn't this hard two months ago! I can't imagine what his six month shots will be like - the nurses will be fighting to keep me out of the room...

On another note, breast-feeding has thrown us another loop.
For some strange reason Frank seems to only feed for a short period of time now - like a total of 5-7 minutes. He gets really fussy after awhile on the nipple and then each time he tries to re-latch himself he unlatches and starts to fuss (aka, cry a little bit).
But what's so interesting is that if I just let him be after such a short little nurse he is totally OK. It's like he really doesn't want anymore milk but if I offer it to him he can't seem to get enough. Of course, because of this, we are feeding a lot more often then before.
Weird. I don't know what to do, or if I really need to do a thing. He's happy, content - except the pain in his chubby little thighs for tonight, poor little man. Does anyone have any advice?

And one more thing... I just have to gloat.
I'm quite proud of myself as, believe it or not, I am cooking like a domestic goddess. The other night I made Sticky Toffee Pudding for a Robbie Burns party we went to and it was a huge hit. Later, I made this incredible Creole Stew with tofu that I am in serious love with. Talk about comfort food!

You have to bear with me, I do not cook but I am having so much fun I will have to amend that statement: I love to cook.

I remember when Frank was very young - you know, waaay long ago...

I was laying on the couch having a nap with him sleeping in my arms and the CD we were listening to had ended. A new CD came on, one that I really didn't like very much, that belonged to D. I remember starting to cry because I was thinking of D and Frank and how much I loved them, how wonderful my husband was - despite, perhaps because of, some of our different music tastes.

It was clearly a case of hormone imbalance - for me to start crying like that with so little provocation. Now, funny thing here:

I suppose it was like a drug in a way - just something a little different running through my veins and yippee!
(of course, I must admit, it wasn't "yippee" all the time back then)

Franklin's four month immunization shots are this week. I remember the last time we went through this, it wasn't that fun.
I don't blame our family doctor for not wanting to do them. She doesn't want Frank to associate gong to the doctor with pain and fear. Instead, we go to the Public Health Clinic. It's a bit of a pain in the ass to schedule two appointments so close together but I think I can get over that.

- poor little guy, he doesn't know what's coming.

Okay, I have to jump on the bandwagon and make Franklin a sock dog. My God, these things are the cutest little animals!

Add that to the fact that at the moment, Frank likes to grab little stuffed animals and stuff them into his face while squealing his nearly bald head off.

I suppose there should be no button eyes though. He is gnawing on things like crazy. As well, the poor dog will probably be drenched in less than an hour - the amount of drool coming from his mouth would amaze you.

Would it be strange for me to declare that my 3 month old baby is a genius?

Well, knowing me, probably not. Of course, all mothers think their child is Plato reincarnate - never mind sticking my large ego and expanding pride in the mix.

Nevertheless, Frank is incredible when I compare him (I know, I know, comparing is bad... who cares!) to the other babies in our baby group - who, now, can never know about this blog...
He is more animated, is both louder and stronger... Dammit, he just sparkles!

My God, will you look at me, I am the quintessential "HOCKEY MOM". All those years of explaining to D that my son - should we have one, will not participate in such a barbaric game and I would probably fit right in. Heck, I'd probably head the baking committee or whatever those guys do there.

I need help.

So, there is a study which examines the relationship between the length ratio of the index finger (2D) to the ring finger (4D).
Males tend to have a lower ratio than females - so this means that the ring finger is longer than the index finger. This sex difference appears to be related to the effects of testosterone during the 8-12th week of fetal development.

So, of course, I'm checking out Frank's hands... I know it's just some guy's research but there are a whole bunch of theories associated with this observation.
For example, there appears to be a correlation between the 2D:4D ratio and placement memory. The relationship reveals that the higher the ratio, the higher the placement memory.
As well, for males, the lower the ratio, the more likely you are better at musical instruments, sports, and have a tendency to be a little more masculine (grunt grunt).
There may be a link to sex related traits as well. They have also noticed that lesbians who think of themselves as more masculine tend to have a ratio much like men (lower).

Of course, I'm not going to enroll Franklin in ballet class just because he has a higher ratio. Nevertheless, it would drive my hockey-happy brother and father-in-law crazy. We live in Canada after all.

I met with our bookclub last night after reading ""Honeymoon in Purdah: An Iranian Journey" by Alison Wearing. It was fun but unbelievably loud. I never realized how excited we got!

Frank was funny. The louder the women got, the louder he would squeal. I suppose he was feeding off our energy, or perhaps he just wanted to be heard as well. Eventually, he would get so loud most of us would stop talking and turn and look at him.
- then he would stick his fingers in his mouth and slurp away.

By the way... what the heck does "Boop boop dittum dattum wattum -chew" mean?

I think Uncle Bob is hilarious. His movie memories are great. I completely agree with the "U2:Rattle and Hum" moment, it was beautiful.

- of course, it was 1988 and I was all of fourteen at the time and living in a small town in northern BC so I wasn't stoned like he was. Perhaps I'll have to see it again...
........ with my Mom.

Right now D is upstairs changing Frank's diaper and talking to him in a strange pirate voice (arrrrh matey!).
Frank is talking back in the really, really high pitched squeals he seems to love to make these days.

I love these guys

I met a woman who is six months pregnant in the Mediterranean grocery store today. She reminded me of myself not too long ago.

She was asking me about my labour - how long it was, do you really need those breathing exercises, how did the hospital staff treat you...
Funny thing, all those questions and concerns and yet labour isn't really the hard part - not by a long shot. It's afterwards which is challenging. The breast-feeding, the lack of sleep, the healing process for your body.

I know I had an incredibly wonderful labour and birth compared to most women. I remember how hard it was but most of all I remember how excited we were. We were finally going to meet our beautiful baby boy that I had been feeling inside me for so long!

Now that I have met him and we have gotten over the larger hurdles I feel like I can take anything on. I used to think this about myself before Franklin was in our life but I had no idea how strong I could be.

So, yesterday I was being a little melodramatic and very emotional. Sorry

I do have an anal fissure but there is no surgery required. Instead, a couple of weeks for things to heal but then things should be OK. I have some rules to follow (softeners, loads of water....) and hopefully, some semblance of my old body will be back.

I went to yoga today and it felt so good. I think it was the longest I have been away from Franklin - one and a half hours.

ahem, and most importantly... Happy Birthday Mom.

I'm going to see the doctor today.... again.

This is frustrating. For the first time in my life it feels like my body is failing me. Perhaps I have always taken it for granted - that I would be healthy. I have taken good care of myself. I eat basically well - no fast food or much junk. I exercise regularly. Giving birth has thrown a big monkey wrench into the whole thing though.

It hurts so so much every time I have a bowel movement. I know this might be a disgusting topic to write in my blog but you know what? I don't care. I think I have an anal fissure and am not sure if I will need surgery or not. I hope I don't, the operation could do other bad things if not done correctly.

I guess I'll find out later today.

On the bright side, I meet with that group of women from my pre-natal class again today. I'm looking forward to that. It'll be nice to talk to other women face to face. I don't do that very often anymore.

I have just finished reading a book by Alice Walker, "The Way forward is with a Broken Heart".

It was good, especially knowing that most of it was very close to autobiographical. There were a few very poignant comments in there that made me put the book down and think about some past relationships. I think I have been very lucky in the kind of history I have had with people. I have certainly had my share of broken hearts - I remember once thinking that my heart was going to physically break apart. Nevertheless, I have learned a great deal and can now appreciate the kind of person I am with now.



I love finishing books though because it means I can start something new and get absorbed again. There are only a few books that I did not want to end. "Sailor Song" by Ken Kesey and "The Temple of My Familiar" by Alice Walker are two of them.



I think I will start "One Dead Indian" by Peter Edwards. It has been sitting here for awhile and now that I am able to breastfeed and read at the same time, I definitely have the opportunity.

I get this sense of disgust and admiration when I find an extra long hair coming out of my face.

On one hand I am thinking - ugh, this is a sure sign of getting old and warty witch-like.

On the other hand I am thinking - hmmmm, this is kinda witch-like, I wonder how long I can grow it before the tweezers take over?

I tend to find my body pretty hilarious at times. Especially when I can match D in the Fart&Burp Department.

haha, am I ever pretty now!

I would really like to get my hair cut. I cut it all off when I found out I was pregnant because I had been high-lighting it blond and I didn't want to continue with the dye while pregnant.
I love short hair on me but I also like my curls so I'm trying to grow it out. Alas, having a post-pregnancy body that doesn't miraculously go back to pre-preggo size at the same time as growing your hair out during that really ugly awkward stage means that I don't feel too pretty.

I really like to feel pretty.
Perhaps this is a little vain of me but I really do. I need an afternoon at a salon.

We had such a nice New Years. It was so calm and peaceful - I hope the rest of the year will go so well.

Things didn't start out so great. That afternoon I went to the garage to pick up our van. The mechanic had hardly looked at it yet he still insisted that nothing was wrong and I should just take it home.
Well, isn't there some saying about a Mother's wrath?
I didn't leave there until someone had properly looked at it explaining that I have a 3 month old baby (3 months old today actually!!!) and needed to be able to rely on the vehicle. Finally another mechanic came over and decided that yes, something is very wrong and it will need more investigation. He was great - explaining everything to me and letting me check out the spark plugs and other neat things under the seat (our engine is under the driver's seat of our van). I hope the problem will be fixed by tomorrow.

As we didn't have transportation D and I thought we would be spending a quiet evening with our new family but John (from the family of John, Molly, Casey and Cooper) graciously came down and picked us up! We spent the evening talking about babies and techniques, frustrations and wonders. It was really nice to talk to another young family.

I had a great time. It's funny to think that just a year before I was drinking scotch and the thought of being a Mother by the next year was far, far from my mind. I think 2002 has been a wonderful year.