Now, I'm warning you. This post gets quite mooshy, even more so than I've mooshed in previously mooshy posts...

Today, as I was getting ready for my lay-off next week, I gathered together my mini rubik's cube, my shells from tofino, and took down the pictures of Franklin and D off my wall. I was marveling at how beautiful our son was and thinking about this post. It is true. One cannot understand what it's like to be a mother until you are completely in the thick of it. It's not like a pet. It's not like a partner. There is a beautiful being that you are responsible for introducing to the world. Everything you were and hope to be is apart of this process. It is a beautiful, scary, overwhelming and moving feeling.

After I pondered for awhile, staring at the pictures, I got an email from D asking me what my beverage of choice was for this evening and what kind of things did I have in mind... It was a normal email for D. Funny and thoughtful. So then.... and you know what's coming next... I starting thinking about D, and when we first met. We knew what a large occasion our introduction was as soon as he walked into the bar I was working in. We talked about the rest of our lives together after spending less than 48 hours with each other. We stood in the airport holding and kissing and whispering for 30 minutes before his plane left off. D used to tell me that every once and awhile he would (and wonderfully, still does...) look and me and feel so incredibly lucky. He gets a warm feeling in his stomach and actually tears up. I still get tears in my eyes when I look at him as well. He is such an amazing person.

A fortune teller once told me that the people you have relationships with in your life (familial, personal, confrontational...) last for lifetime after lifetime after lifetime. One is always trying to improve on these relationships and I wonder if she meant that nirvana was a sort of success in all the people that you touch. Or perhaps, that once you have found a person who touches you this deeply you are able to let them go in the next life and work on other relationships. I could go on and on about this actually - but you'd need a bong and some candles so I'll stop here.

Who knows, I have a feeling I am rambling at this point. What I want to say is that although there are times when I feel that I would give my clitoris for a little more sleep or time to read one more page, I seriously cannot believe the life that I am leading at this point.
I am happy. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. I am happy.

yay me.