I'm sick today. Franklin has been sick for a couple of days now. We are sick together, at home and going nuts.

I should be sleeping. I have never really got the hang of sleeping in the middle of the day. Franklin's sleeping, the cat's sleeping. I'm blogging and then heading to my book to investigate the intricacies of regulating agencies for the federal government.

No, that will not put me to sleep.

I just finished reading ilonina is random. The whole post brings back so many memories. Although I don't think I will ever buy myself a bright pink silver-sequined cowboy hat (but congratulations if you would), I certainly have gone through the myriad of self definitions (and, of course, deceptions).
I remember in my early twenties, boring a friend to death, sitting in Margaret Park, Budapest. On and on I pondered about how the way people choose to see themselves will in turn help to define their choices in life... and what if those choices are not what other people see you as and expect, and what if those choices are what people see you as but don't agree with your subsequent choices, and what if these people start to not matter to you and your choices at all, and what happens when you have many different choices in front of you and you want to invite all of them into your life - how do you go about doing it, and what do all these choices really mean, and how real are any of these choices, what are influencing the choices? my past? my environment? my conception of the future? and what is the signifcance of not choosing, or choosing, or choosing and then changing your mind - and can I really ever change my mind? All of these questions were then examined at length using too many examples of academic theory and my limited but sordid ex partner experiences. Jeez, I have to stop, I could go on forever and no one needs that, it's painful to realize I put her through it once.

I'm sure my friend was just listening to the Reggae band and had fully blocked me out at this point. In fact, I think she may have blocked me out about a month before that point. She is such a good friend. I think she knew I just had to think out loud.

Actually, I miss you J. I really miss you a lot. Maybe it's the cold, the empty stomach, or I just need a nap, but I'm tearing up. I really miss you.