I'm feeling rather blah. There are many many things to write about but I just don't feel like it. I actually want to clean the house, make crab cakes, read a bit of a book and then just go to bed early.

I think I may have been possessed by a Stepford wife zombie. I do feel like a bit of a zombie. I feel like I'm just wandering around aimlessly, going through the motions to get things done.

Hell, maybe I'll get lucky and be able to read in bed. Man, I think this may be the best thing in the entire world - reading in bed. I love reading in bed. There is nothing better than reading in bed - other than sex of course - but I tell you, it's a really close second, the reading in bed thing.

However, to get myself out of such a funk is hard. I've just spent the last hour msn-ing (how do you write that?) with my sister and even though she has sent me gorgeous pictures of herself in what I would call fetish wear from a recent shopping trip in Toronto, I'm still feeling crappy. I feel better than before, but crappy.

I want a day to relax. I want a day to myself. I want a day where I don't have to think about the things I think about all. day. long.

I think about orphanages in the Ukraine a lot. When I say a lot, I mean, more than a sane person probably should.

I think about Franklin graduating to a toddler bed. Thankfully, not as much as I was thinking about it.

I think about my family and how I don't see them enough.

I think about how normal I have become.

I think about how defensive I feel inside. When did I become this defensive? Why do I care? Why do I care that I care? Why do I care that I... forget it.

Man. I want to lay in bed until noon, reading. No music. No TV. No talking. I want to float into the shower, shave things that haven't been shaved in awhile, and give myself a facial. I want to wander down to some random 7-11 and pour myself a rootbeer slurpie. I want to continue downtown, winding through neighbourhoods I've never been through before. I want to sit in a coffee-shop with a good book. I want to sit on the beach, watching the waves and listening to the surf on the rocks.

I can't think of exactly what I'm tired of, but I know I feel tired and worn out. I want a day where I don't talk to anyone but myself, because I tell you, myself is getting lonely.