Last night, after I came in from my run and finished watering what I stubbornly still call a garden and what the neighbourhood cats stubbornly call their litter box, I came to a revelation.
This blog.
It's pissing me off.
Actually, I have wanted to mention this for a while but haven't really had the guts. I appreciate everyone who reads this - especially the ones who communicate. Even more especially, the ones who communicate nicely.
However, it's still pissing me off.
I have things to say everyday, but I find it's becoming more of a whine than anything else. Add the whine to the fact that this blog is primarily about my son and you get a whole lot of complaining about... my son.
I don't usually complain about my son in the non-internet world. In fact, it's a problem I have with some parents.
The parents who talk about their children's challenges when their child is right there makes me see red.
I mean, seriously, you don't think your child is listening? Let me tell you, the child can hear and internalize everything you say - from a younger age than you might think.
This is also something I need to talk to daycare about - this talking about Franklin and his problems and successes at daycare - especially in terms of toilet training. He had an accident of the poop variety yesterday and it seems that he's been less willing to do sit on the toilet for either number. I know toilet training has set-backs at times but I wonder if the constant talk of accidents - one teacher telling another teacher that they are going to be busy because Franklin has pooped his pants, teacher telling Mother that Franklin pooped his pants, Mother telling Father that Franklin has pooped his pants... See?
I know that everything isn't supposed to be coming out roses - especially when it comes to my garden - but learning to pee and poop in the toilet is a big thing! Think about it, this is re-learning a basic bodily function placement.
Can you imagine if you had to learn how to sleep hanging upside down instead of horizontally - and every time you got it wrong your clothes got soiled and had to be removed and everyone talked about it for the rest of the evening and even the next day?
Yeah. Not fun.
No wonder he's been in such a crappy mood.
I have been too.
I want to take my family on a holiday to Tofino and stay in a cabin with no phone, television, radio or internet. I want to walk on the beach, wear rubber boots and collect sand dollars when the tide goes out.
I want everything to just stop.
I rarely comment on anyone's blog - I'm a lurker - maybe once I get my own, I'll start feeling more confident to comment. I enjoy your blog. I enjoy your honesty. You say that you rarely complain about your son except on the blog. Well - ya gotta get it out somewhere right? :o) It's a good place to vent and sometimes you can express your emotions better when you write than when you speak. Not YOU per se, I don't know you... but you know what I mean... right? See - this is why I don't comment. Babble, babble. Enjoy a vay-cay and I hope you can get some relaxation.
I understand what you mean about the negativity. Maybe emphasizing the number of times he *did* use the toilet that day would help. Kind of like when my boys started playing Revolt (a remote control car computer game) and they came in 8th (out of 8) we were big on the "Wow! You came in number 8! That's great!" instead of "Too bad, you came in last. You'll do better next time". Also, dealing with Kyle and his encopresis, we learned to never make a fuss about any accidents. Non-accidents were rewarded with money (a few pennies or a dime) and the accidents just cleaned up and not worried about.
One thing I've come to notice as a mom...nobody likes it if we have negative things to say. People don't like to hear about moms being frustrated, angry, tired and defeated. After all, we have the most important job blah blah balh. The people who benefit from your blog and the topics you write about are 1) you, cause you get it out there, and 2) most other mothers who are sitting in the same trench you're in. It's good to hear the truth. Keep it up!
I agree with Elle. You know I admire the crap out of you and hearing about your trials makes me feel, when I have a rough day, that you do, too and that it's ok/normal/whatever. But yeah, it's hard to hear the negative all the time. I find I'm still dealing with lingering negativity with T's colic, even though she's been over it for a few months. I can't help expecting the worse and she contstantly proves my anxiety wrong. I need to work on looking forward to her good behavior so I can appreciate it instead of having a constant knot in my stomach or tension in my eyes when we go out somewhere with her.
Um.. blah blah blah. Anyhoo. I'll miss you if/when you take a break. XOXO
Ada,
I imagine that every parent (who gives a crap about their children) struggles often. You never sound whiny to me- your stories are very relatable. I am always struck with how loving and respectful you are of Franklin's thoughts and feelings. He will probably inherit your sensitivity because of that. ( in a good way!)
I know what you mean about some parents not treating their children as people, it kills me too.
i don't find your blog negative either. i find your descriptions of franklin and his goings-on very sensitive and thoughtful. i say things on my blog that i don't necessarily say in person. it is why i have a blog.
on the other hand, when i put charlotte down for a nap the other day, her crib looked so safe and inviting. i wanted to crawl in there. for days.
In our world it's much more acceptable to bitch about someone than to gush about them. Anyone who matters is going to realise that and know that there are many more positive things about Franklin and your life than the few negative things you post about.
I think Franklin sounds like a wonderful kid.
I don't have a little one but you've nailed the issue. My brother went through the same thing. I hated how shamed the whole process made him as everyone got hung up on it. It became all about them, and not about nurturing this poor little boys self-esteem. It really broke my heart!
Seriously - How many 15 year olds do you know that don't make poopie in the toilet. It's all good in the end - :)
TOFINO = solitude. It is abolutely my favourite destination. My lovely spouse, who has refused to take holidays throughout our relationship, has agreed to indulge me with trip there in two weeks. I am so burnt out from living at work - I can't hardly wait. Walking on the beach with a some Baileys and coffee as the fog rolls out in the morning...ahhhhh. Bliss.
Good luck with the potty training!
No one is being told to read your blog - so they can click away (as oppoesed to change the channel) - the beauty of the blog (did i really say that) is that you can write whatever you want - it's your blog! you are the program director... i like it -and am envious of how in touch you are with everythin that goes on in your life. franklin is one lucky kid to have a mom who is aware of him and his surrounding as well as her own... keep up the good work - i for one will continue to read...
Thanks everyone. It's nice to read such support. It's really an amazing feeling to be told you are a good mother.
Late to the party, but had to chime in (hey, Luminara was on Saturday - kept me busy *grin*) - I *totally* agree with the not talking about shortcomings in front of the child. I noticed from a very young age - as in not even two - when my son would react (I could see his heart breaking) when he did/said something (brilliant, I might add, of course *grin*) and people thought it was cute, and laughed. I know it was a good-natured laugh, that's what people do around kids because they are so cute, but I just wanted to slaughter people when his little lip would start quivering... "We" really need to take care of what we say to "them".
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I don't mind if you wine now and then. I read your post to see how you guys are doing. I like it because your not afraid talk frankly about yourself and your thoughts on things. If its becoming a pain though maybe an E-holiday is in order.