That is a beautiful poem. Your sentiments are really touching and your children are lucky to have you as a Mom. I'm sad you don't plan on having more either. Maybe it is not as irresponsible as you think. Maybe if you figured it out, it would actually be okay.

I feel this too since having Sylvia. It's nice beacause often I feel very in the moment with her, loving and enjoying baby goodness, then I get all teary knowing that we (more than likely) will never be doing this again. Bittersweet, hey?
I tried to comment a few weeks ago, but the computer wasn't having it. I think I saw you when you were pregnant and I thought you looked so familiar at the time but couldn't place you. Recently it clicked when I was looking at my old flickr account and saw you on my (very short) contact list! Congratulations, she is lovely :)

I mourn only having one child, one newborn experience, one baby experience, one holding the baby non-stop for hours on end time. I ache for it at times. Holding other people's babies helps, and ultimately that is what I have. I am waywardly catholic, but my mom always says of babies that they are "fresh from god", and it makes my heart leap.

Eliza is a gift, a jewel, a darling, a love.

Ada I hadn't realized that you'd been blogging here again, but I'm so happy to see that you are here!

Eliza is so lovely...

I wonder about the bond thing, because I honestly have only REALLY started to feel close with Lochren.
I wondered about it- was it my inability to nurse him? The anxiety I felt about a house-full right after he was born somehow interfering with the first moments? It's weird, and I feel guilty. Like I'm somehow not a good parent because of my inability to feel as close to him as I was to Theya.
It's also sort of weird to me because we are certain that we want to stop at just the 2 kids yet I find myself wishing I could have a newborn again and this time make sure I take the time to appreciated it as I feel like I wasn't able to do with Lochren.
Though I do have to say that I now feel as close to him as I do to Theya. He's such a fun little dude and it's such a little effort to love him.
I'm actually (selfishly, I know) satisfied when he makes strange because the way he cuddles up to me makes me feel that he truly needs me. Not being able to nurse him as a form of comfort is something I think about whenever something upsets him -it feels good to know that cuddles from me are nearly as good.
You make me think about so many things. I love it. Thank you. I never seem to have the mental strength to pull this kind of stuff out of my head when I post on my own blog.

Helena: I really wish this were to be the case - to be able to figure things out and have more. Who knows what's in store for us, right?

Katie! Congratulations on the birth of your baby girl! I haven't been in the loop lately! I'll have to remember my myspace password and subscribe to your blog!

jenB: "fresh from God" I love that.

Amy: I mentioned my return to blogging on twitter but it was quick. I don't seem to post much so you haven't missed anything, that's for sure.

Chair: It must be so nice that you know you want to stop at two. I definitely don't feel this way and as I wrote, I certainly didn't expect this. Who knows why we feel the way we do at certain times toward our children. We love them now with all our hearts though and really, that's what really matters, right?

Right. :)

I can barely remember Frankie's first trimester and it was only two months ago! Looking back I can't believe all the crazy advice I followed. She's getting so independent already: sometimes I wish I could co-sleep with her but I don't think she'd enjoy it.