When D and I first met it was a pretty large experience. I tried my best to screw it up in my own special way, but even I was aware of how crazy it would be to not spend the largest amount of time as possible with this person.

Some of the things I did with him are funny to look back on. At the time, they were meaningless, but it was as if I had some sort of relationship godmother making sure I took the right steps to show exactly who I was and what I wanted to be.

One of those steps was putting a copy of Germaine Greer's "The Madwoman's Underclothes" in his pack before he left for home. I don't remember why I did this. I wasn't thinking, "You must know that I will not be a SAHM" or "I do not care if you have clean socks and a prepared lunch every morning". I didn't even think he needed to know my stance on underwear or pornography. Yet, the book meant something I think. It meant I wanted him to think and be aware that there was more to me than the small amount of time we had so far to get to know each other.

No matter what you may think of this Greer and whether she could even hold a candle to the likes of more prominent feminists, this time in my life, when I knew (and was scared) that I had met someone I would love very deeply, is what I thought of when I heard that Betty Friedan had died today.

I am married. I am a wife. I have a son. However, I am married to a man who sees me, not a wife. I have a son who has tea parties with his dinosaurs. I work fulltime and study at university. I will be the bread-winner in the house come September and no one bats an eye at this decision. I think it would be safe to say, I am growing to my full human capacities.

Also, I'm happy. I think much of that has to do with Betty.
So, I just wanted to say thanks.

... and you were speechless .... and I was giddy
.... and you drank too much ... and I was tipped too much.

I love you , D.

I have a confession to make. I have a horrible obsession with gofugyourself.com and I have no idea why. Okay, I pretty much know why, but I'm still horrified.
Regardless, the most recent image of a manly looking Fergie isn't as disturbing to me as the audacity of the UK Cosmo magazine to advertise designer vaginas to women on the cover. So apparently this is hip in the world of plastic surgery? Perhaps I'm living in a cave, perhaps this is old news, but...

How. Can. This. Be. Okay?

There are dangers involved in this! Scarring, diminished sensation, loss of your soul...

I'm going to say it and I know, I know, but just think of this: how is surgical pressure to conform to society's ideal vulva that much different than the genital mutilation we are trying so hard to stop? How did we get to this?

I'm not a blogher but I tell ya, if I were I'd be starting a chant of "I love my Vagina" right about now. Everyone's vulva is unique. I've seen a good number and I don't believe any of them were even remotely the same. It may not look like the air-brushed Playboy centerfold or the porn star you are watching, but it's beautiful because it's yours. While I'm glad women are at least looking at their vulva, I wish they were in a position where they would love it as well.

If you want to know more, talk about this, or read how other women feel about their vaginas, vagina verite is a great site to start with.

I have a button on my desk that says, "VAGINA FRIENDLY". It's attached to the wire mesh stand that elevates my phone (so I can put all kinds of crap underneath it...)
Yesterday, a woman cranked her head around to see my computer screen and noticed the button in the process.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asks.
"What, the computer screen?" I ask, confused as to what part of, the-books-have-not-arrived-yet she doesn't understand.
"No" (rolling her eyes), "what does Vagina Friendly mean?" she asks in an almost disgusted tone.
"Ummmm" (hoping not to sound patronizing) "it means kind of what it says, I believe in being friendly to vaginas."
"Well," (she takes her elbows off my desk) "you people are so open now-a-days. You know, I don't necessarily think that it is all it is cracked up to be. You should watch yourself."

(after a little chuckle - at her expense) "Really? I hadn't noticed, I still feel quite friendly today..."

The Vagina Monologues are over and I find I have a lot of time to think about the last couple of months. I have a friend, Emily, that works for the Victoria Sexual Assault Centre and she is very happy our production was so successful. We raised over 13,000 dollars. That will be a lot of support for the organizations we are raising money for.

Nevertheless, I am wanting to do something more. During one of our vagina workshops a very wise woman, Erin, reminded us of who we are and who we represent. I was already concerned about the lack of diversity in our cast and I had mentioned this to a number of volunteers. As a result, we have thought of numerous ways to change that for next year in order to make the cast represent a more diverse community and I am hopeful.

Regardless, we can never change the fact that we are privileged to even be going to university in the first place. My friend, Emily, does outreach for women who will never have the opportunity to sit around and talk about their feelings both personal and otherwise. They are caught in a cycle which is constantly violent and demeaning.

Don't we, as educated woman, we have a chance to escape this role? Are we not seen as more legitimate in society? Haven't we all heard someone (or ourselves) say that when a prostitute gets assaulted that they almost deserved it as they are in that line of work?

So, until I can do more, I am going to volunteer for the Victoria Sexual Assault Centre Crisis Line. I know this won't make me feel better about the world but it will make a difference in both my life and whomever I can help.

happy vagina day everyone!

I don't know if "proud" would be able to describe it all but it sure is how I'm feeling about the entire production.

The crowd was so responsive and enthusiastic, I thought I was going to burst

Tonight is our dress rehearsal. I am quite nervous. I'm not too worried about the actresses and the monologues as I am about the lights, sound and transitions (cues).

I'm also worried about emotions running high and everyone getting on everyone else's nerves...

much much later...

So in retrospect,
I should have been worried about my emotions running high and everyone getting on my nerves as I got on everybody else's nerves...

ahem, yup, sorry about that Nina

Victoria's Sexual Assault Centre
- UVic Vagina Monologue Beneficiary

Open UVic Resaurce Sexual Assault Centre

- UVic Vagina Monologue Beneficiary

Revolutionary Association of the Women of Afghanistan
- UVic Vagina Monologue Beneficiary

Prostitution Empowerment and Education Resource Society
Provides services such as street outreach, advocacy, referrals and support to people who are actively engaged in the sex trade, as well as those choosing to leave.
Victoria Phone: 250.388.5325
- UVic Vagina Monologue Beneficiary

and then there's more:

Vancouver Rape Relief & Woman's Shelter

Metropolitan Action Committee on Violence Against Women and Children

Centre for Reseach on Violence Against Women and Children

Access to Justice Network

NOW and Violence Against Women

Anti-violence Resources at feminist.com

Myths and Realities about Sexual Assault. From the Fredericton Sexual Assault Crisis Centre

CAVEAT - violence, crime prevention, victims' rights, violence prevention education.

Bridges for Women

Feminist Majority Foundation

End Violenc Against Women from the John Hopkins University Center for Communication Programs

UNICEF - Violence Against Women

UNIFEM - Global Campaign to eliminate Violence Against Women

Today we are having a Vagina Tea Party over at my house. I think pretty much everyone is bringing over something red in theme to eat or drink.

I went over to Thrifty's and bought a lot of reddish/pink food to add and while I was standing in line the cashier noticed everyone buying the non-staple kind-of stuff - you know, chips, salsa, pop, and other junk. She asked us all - while her customer was fishing through his wallet for his credit card, if we were all planning a Super Bowl party. Everyone nodded and smiled but it was my opportunity to be proud of my vagina accomplishments. I boldly stated, loud enough for everyone to hear:

"Nah... I'm having a Vagina Party"

and proceeded to place things on the moving counter. Everything I put out was either red, pink, or in a red or pink container. People just watched all the things I was taking out of my basket.

It was fun, especially when the cashier told me she had bought tickets to the UVic production of the Vagina Monologues and that she might have a vagina party with her friends as well.

super-bowl, shmuper-bowl

I'm left wondering after many conversations if I've said the right thing or reacted the right way...

I have been getting more and more frustrated with certain people in my life. I have tried to come to mutual understanding or compromise but the effort is far too one-sided. I am left to discuss my frustrations with a select group of friends who may or may not understand but can only relate their experience and empathy in hope that I can gain something from this.

Regardless, I feel that I am not changing my situation by talking about it. Instead, I am left wondering if I've said the right thing or reacted in the right way...

Although this may be just gassing the slobs I thought this book would pull you dead to the curb.
It's called "Straight from the Fridge, Dad"
and I don't just mean this to be sucker bait, I really dig these mellow kicks...

ok, I'll break it off now

A disturbing piece of information:

Each year, at least two million girls experience genital mutilation as dictated by custom. That's 6,000 cases a day, five girls every minute.
(Violence against Women, Focus on Women, UN, 1995)

D, our roommate, and I went over to Vancouver and saw
The Charlatans last night.
They were very, very good and we had such a great time. The crowd there was amazing as well.

Did you know that the lead singer, Tim Burgess, practically licks the microphone when he sings? He sticks out this pointy tongue and reaches out to it. It is very reptilian.
Dix thought I only noticed because I'm thinking about The Vagina Monologues all the time but I think it's because I have a vagina that I noticed. Haven't we all heard penis comments when some diva practically swallows the microphone?...

We also saw my brother. Unfortunately, we lost him in the crowd and I have yet to find out what happened to him.
We assume he spent the rest of the night with the band. He really is just "that kind of guy", you never know where he'll end up, but he is very hard to keep up with.

or, are we getting old?

Racism can be a very subtle thing.

It can come across without you even realizing it, just a sick feeling in your stomach about an interaction with another person.
I have found it can also come across when someone makes a decision based on how uncomfortable they are with difference.

like for example.... accents.

Does anyone want to buy a vagina t-shirt? Black, baby t...

the back will say:

SAVING THE WORLD, ONE VAGINA AT A TIME

corny?.... perhaps

fun to wear?.... yes!

Today has to be one of the most exhausting days of my life.

I am so physically, emotionally and even spiritually tired.
The Vagina Monologue auditions were hard. I can't believe I signed up to do this. We are almost through and I am feeling both elated and scared at the same time.
We have so much to do!
On top of that, I feel like we have let sooo many women down because we just could not find places for them in the play!

This sounds so typical but everyone could have had a part - if the play was written for more than sixty roles!
It's hard.
I believe that I have arrived at a new standard of difficult in my life.

That's saying a lot.

I just want to say that the women who are doing the Vagina Monologues here at UVic are amazing people.

It's hard to tell you that when I'm discussing fund-raising ideas, breaking up scripts and getting more and more volunteers.
I hope you guys know how much I appreciate everything.

Check out this amazing site: All About My Vagina

and then there's this too...

Hey, for those of you from the Vagina Monologues group I'm working with, take a look at the Squishettes site I posted earlier.
There is a great vagina conversation that I thought you guys might want to have some input in! Check in the "Girls" forum.

Actually, anybody should join, including you Mom! It is really a great, diverse crowd of people.

The coffee house last night was amazing. It was very powerful to be in such a silent room, listening to women speak about their lives and their concern for the lives of other women. A women from our Vagina Monologues group read My Vagina was a Village. She started to cry half-way through the reading. I was crying before she even started.

What was even more incredible to me was the impact we (I mean women who gather together and speak about our rights and experiences, aka feminists) have had on a particular man here in Victoria.
He likes to come to every "feminist" gathering to intimidate anyone who participates. He stood outside the cafe and asked women as they walked by,
"Hey, you're good-looking, are you single?"
This is a BIG man. He does not ask this question in an inviting way either.
When I first saw him I thought the organizers of the event had hired security. I was quite confused for I had asked him to exuse me while I tried to move some heavy speakers into the building. He glared at me and wouldn't let me pass easily. I figured out quickly that he wasn't a welcome presence there.

Curious and disturbing isn't it? What exactly is he tring to prove? What happens when he feels that he isn't getting his point across? Does he try to be even more intimidating? Violent?

I drove the van to a legal parking spot and walked back to the cafe. I walked through two prostitute areas and passed one strip bar. Each place I passed I was approached either by a car which had slowed down to talk to me or by a bunch of guys gathered around having a cigarette.
Being approached isn't the crazy part. I wasn't frightened by any of these guys - although perhaps I should have been.
Yet, when I was approached by this man standing outside the cafe, it was different. He wasn't interested in my availability at all. He was interested in making me feel small and powerless. It worked for a second, I wasn't expecting it. I was there for a welcoming, accepting gathering of concerned people.
I'll know that the next time I see him, it won't work. But I'm glad that I was surprised, that I didn't expect it. It's not normal in my world to be attacked for what I believe in.
I appreciate that.

So our little submission has been published in the Third Space. Unfortunately, it's rather like an advertisement so it's not available in the web issue. So, if any of you are from Victoria, pick up a copy.

I'm actually toying with the idea of submitting an actual article for the Gender Issue coming up. This whole weblog thing has really helped me with my overwhelming fear of others reading my ideas.
It's a good thing.



I'm also re-designing our v-day website (with the help of others I'm hoping...) so expect MUCH better things in the future...

check out this paper, Third Space

We, the Vagina Monologue group I was referring to earlier, will be in it's upcoming issue spouting off the best things about our vaginas.

I would love to put a forum to discuss this on my page. I wanted to do it on our website but it's a frustrating thing, working with others...

I, and a whole schwack of other volunteers, are putting on a university production of the Vagina Monologues in February (we are still working on our website). It is quite an experience.
Last night, a friend of mine went to a coffee house open mike and read the monologue, "Reclaiming Cunt". She wasn't a professional like the actors I saw on the tour but she did it so well, in her own quiet, sexy way! I was touched - to see it performed by someone you know to a group of your peers, it was special.
- and even though it was a very open crowd, it was still interesting how hard it was for people to say the word, "CUNT".

I quite like the word actually. Try saying out loud.... nice eh?